Even though young adults aged 15 to 24 make up only one-quarter of sexually active Americans, they contract 50 percent of all new sexually transmitted diseases. They’re doing a better job of using contraception, as shown by the declining number of teen pregnancies, but they’re still transmitting and catching a lot of STIs. If your daughter is getting information from her friends instead of from you, she’s at a much higher risk for getting an STI.
If you’ve been making excuses for not talking to your daughter about sex and STIs, then it’s time for you to stop. In fact, let’s take a look at some of the most common excuses for not talking to girls about sex and debunk them one by one.
Excuse No. 1: She Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me
It’s easy to start conversations about sex with your daughter, but it’s hard to finish them when she runs out of the room so fast that there’s a daughter-shaped hole in the wall. Instead of avoiding the issue, even if you’re just downloading information into her brain, make sure that your daughter knows how to avoid contracting an STI. Never walk away from in-depth conversations — even if you disapprove of her being sexually active — when she asks you questions about sex.
What to do: One way to make sure your daughter gets good information is to encourage her to talk to a gynecologist. When she has her yearly checkup, make sure that you either avoid going into the exam with her or, if she asks for moral support during the Pap smear, give her some one-on-one time with the doctor afterward.
It’s easy to assume that everything your daughter does should be your business. However, if you don’t give her a reasonable amount of privacy, she’s going to start hiding things from you, and she’s not going to confide in you about sexual matters. Be available when she wants to talk, and make yourself scarce when she wants to talk to someone else.
Excuse No. 2: It Will Only Encourage Her to Have Sex
Abstinence-only education doesn’t delay the onset of sexual activity. According to a study from the University of Georgia, states that require abstinence-only sex education programs have significantly higher rates of teen pregnancy. Also, Penn State researchers found that even though teens who receive abstinence-only messages were more likely to say that they were saving sex for committed relationships, they were exhibiting the same sexual behaviors as kids who didn’t receive an abstinence-only message.
What to do: Stop assuming that talking to your daughter about sex will send her careening her into the arms of the nearest teenage boy. Seventy percent of 19-year-olds have had sex, so there’s a good chance it’s either already happened or she’s gotten awfully close. Instead of pretending that nothing’s happening, teach her how to prevent STIs — and how not to let that teenage boy get her pregnant.
Excuse No. 3: She Won’t Listen to Me, Anyway
Sometimes, it seems like your daughter wants to do the exact opposite of what you tell her to do. For example, if you tell her that you don’t like someone that she’s dating or if you suggest that she should delay sex, you worry that she’s going to rush out and immediately do the opposite of what you told her not to do. According to Planned Parenthood, kids say that their parents are the biggest influences over when they become sexually active. However, only 52 percent of parents actually communicate their values to their kids.
What to do: If you think that your daughter should delay having sex until she’s ready to deal with the potential consequences, tell her how you feel. Then, instead of locking her in her room until she graduates from high school, teach her how to prevent unwanted consequences, such as pregnancy and STIs. Remind her that contraceptives like the pill and other birth control methods might prevent pregnancy, but they won’t prevent infections.
If your daughter has questions that you can’t answer, refer her to a website packed with information for kids in their teens and 20s, like Scarleteen.com. Then, pat yourself on the back for ditching your excuses and having that talk about STIs.
