Introductions

[gustygirl]

Hello,
My name is Tracey and I am a single mom and have been that way since I divorced my daughter's father when she was just 9 months.  He is active in her life and we attempt to be genuinely friendly with each other so that we can be a good parenting team.  I am here in Los Angeles, CA.  I live on the West Side near the ocean.  How are other single moms handling motherhood, parenting, and having a life of their own.  Any tips or tricks, share.  I hope to offer and receive support through these boards.  Looking forward to it.
Dream Bigger,
Tracey
www.singlemomliving.blogspot.com

[Linda]

Hi Tracey,
I too am single, not by choice...my ex left me 2 1/2 years ago and it has been a struggle ever since.  I too just started the at home business, so I can be at home for my kids (mine are teens).  I have a 17 year old son with some medical issues, so he is at home right now with a tutor, and he is really the only one who has contact with the father.  I just have to prioritize like crazy and I just don't waste the time like I used to...I wish I could offer help, but I think you just figure it out as you go along.  I think I am more productive since he left!  I am happy to try to answer questions! 

[Jo Ann]

I salute you single moms. My mother was a single mom to her five kids, all girls. She was just a public school teacher and she raised us all by herself on a very meager income.

When I became a mother, I realized how difficult it would have been for her being alone with five kids.

I can not help but be proud of single parents! I salute you!

[gustygirl]

Thanks for the Salute.  It is nice to feel appreciated.  My daughter is great in letting me know that she is grateful too.  Thanks for taking the time to show your kindness and appreciation.
Blessings

[Blessed Mom 2 Sweet Boys]

 I am a single mom and have been for almost 5 years. I left my husband because he was a alcoholic and I was not raising my son around that. I miss being married and it is such a struggle but I think I am done with men I just want to raise my boys and live my life as best as possible. I have found that blogging has help me keep my mind off things.

[ThatCrazyMom]

I'm a single mom as well. Have been for most of the past 14 years. I have 3 kids - ages 17, 15, and 5. Not really interested in changing my status anytime soon but it does get lonely sometimes.

Looking forward to getting to know more of you...

[Linda]

You know, I don't want to change my status either, tho my ex I think is desperate to change his and has been since the day he left...isn't that usually the case.  I'm so busy with kids, it would be hard to think of adding someone else new to the mix right now, tho I have to say I'm a bit jealous when I see couples my age walking and holding hands or something.  But you never know what is really going on in their lives I tell myself and the picture on the outside often isn't what is happening on the inside.

[Blessed Mom 2 Sweet Boys]

 That is very true. Beside it nice that if I want to run to Walmart at 3 am I do not have to answer to anyone to do that. To me that is worth a lot. (But I would not really go to Walmart at 3 am because I would not drag my kids out at that hour but it is nice to know anyway)

[gustygirl]

Yes, I agree.  it does get lonely sometimes, but I suppose you can be lonely in a relationship as well.   I have thought about dating but it takes more energy than I have right now.  My daughter who at age 7 has told me that I need to get a boyfriend and she is alright with that.  Her father and I have an amicable relationship and she seems to understand as much as she can at 7.  I am concerened about bringing someone new into our lives.  It has been just her and I since she was 9 months.  Okay enough of chatting.  I started to get on a roll.  talk to you guys later.
Tracey
www.traceysvirtualassistance.wordpress.com

[ArmySister]

Hi. I'm a single mom too. I have a 7 year old daughter and we've been on our own for the last 5 years. We have had no contact with her father in these last 5 years. She wouldn't even recognize him if he walked up to her on the street. Sometimes this really saddens me, and sometimes I think that she's better off without him if he can't make the effort to be a part of her life.  This past year I gained guardianship of a now 16 year old girl also. She is wonderful and an instant part of our family. She does still have regular contact with her biological parents so we all sort of share her.

I teach high school English in a small rural school where I teach all sections of English, 9 through 12.  Teaching doesn't pay much and with no income in our house but mine, I turned to blogging when a friend of mine told me about PayPerPost. Any extra money is good, but I've found that I also enjoy just having a place to chat about any random thing. My blog doesn't have a lot of focus because it's really what occurs to me at that moment, but I think I like that.

No dating here. Between my job and all the girls' activities we are always on the go it seems. I'm not sure where I'd even begin in meeting someone. It amazes me how some others that I know that become single are dating again and seriously involved so quickly and I don't come across any men.  lol  Oh well, in addition to not knowing where I would meet anyone, I also don't know how I'd find time to date unless they liked going to dance recitals, debate tournaments, and softball games.

I look forward to getting to know everyone.

[gustygirl]

Welcome Kimberly to the forum and I responded to your response to mine regarding dating.  Looking forward to getting to know you. Have a great day
Tracey
www.traceysvirtualassistance.wordpress.com

[emsplace]

Hi ladies.
I'm not quiet single yet. My husband has traveled for most of our marraige and spent the better part of the last two years in Iraq. So I've been alone a lot. But... we are separated. Still in the same house, I'm in the spare room. He apparently has looked outside our marraige for 6+ years now, and I've had enough. I'm not perfect... but I am a good wife and infidelity once is something maybe to work on, but many times... nope!
Anywhooooooooooooo
I have been a SAHM for several years and we will stay here while he helps me pay off my debt and I go bak to work for a couple years. I want to be in a position to buy a home and live comfortably.
For those of you who divorced, by son is four... any suggestions about helping him cope?  I think it is good that we are still here and he sees us getting along and we keep enforcing it isnt' his fault, etc...

So - HI! Hugs to all!
emily

[Audrey]

Emily,

I wrote an article about divorce and kids. In fact I got a phone call from a very popular national program about it. They loved it.

Here it is:

When Parents Divorce Children Can Feel the Pain

Divorce is difficult for everyone. Divorce affects the two adults involved, plus their children, but it also affects extended family. Regardless of who “wins” custody, regardless of where the children live, these kids have two sides to their family.

The town I live in requires adults to take a class called “Child In The Middle” before a judge will sign the divorce petition.

I actually believe it would be in children’s best interests, if this was required in all towns. Even the most well meaning adults often, without realizing, put their children in the middle. 

So, what are some of the things to avoid? Do not say to your child “go ask mommy” or “go ask daddy”. It is not up to the child to be a go between. It is up to the two adults to speak directly to each other, or through their attorneys if they can not communicate. When a child is asked to be a go between, and should one of the parents get upset with the message, the child feels they somehow are responsible, when they are just an innocent messenger.

Do not ask your child about your ex spouses new girlfriend or boyfriend. The kids are just as uncomfortable with this as you are. They don’t want another mother, or another father. They don’t want to have to betray you by liking the new person in their parent’s life. So make it easy on them. Don’t ask.

Don’t put your child in the position of ever having to choose. Remember one of you is mom and one of you is dad. It is unfair at the least to ask a child to choose. You both brought this child into the world. At one time it was fine for the child to love you both. Make it ok for the child to love you both today too.

Don’t speak poorly of the child’s other parent. Remember it was joint love that brought this child into the world. That child feels they are a part of both of you. If you speak poorly of the child’s other parent, the child takes it personally. 

Do let your child know how sorry you are that they have to go to two homes, learn two addresses etc.

Do let your child know you will do everything you can to support their relationship with the other parent.

Do listen to your children. They often will guide you to let you know what they need.

****
Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.recipe-barn.com

[emsplace]

that is a great article.
thanks Audrey...
em

[Audrey]

I'm the first to admit that it's not always reasonablet to expect two 20 year olds to still be compatible 20 years later. However, often there are now kids involved and those kids have two parents. The fact that you two can live in the same house is huge