Here's the February blog from author Dr. Popkin. More of his blogs at
www.RealParentsRealAnswers.com:
Resolving to Sharpen our Parenting Skills
(Posted: on 2/5/2010)
Just 30 days into the New Year, many of us find ourselves giving up on our commitment to our New Year’s resolutions. What seemed so doable and significant January 1 sometimes becomes difficult and less of a priority by February. Good parenting skills, of course, are very important throughout the year, so let’s talk about some easy resolutions that can help us sharpen our parenting skills on a daily basis. First, it’s a good time to take stock of what we’re doing right and what, quite truthfully, we could do better. A few good questions to ask:
Am I spending enough “quality” time with my child?
How am I doing with encouraging my child and building confidence?
Do I take time to really listen to my child share thoughts and feelings, rather than passing judgment or redirecting those emotions?
Do we spend a little time each week just playing?
Have I worked to regularly instill and reinforce the values that are important to me (such as not smoking and avoiding other risky and unhealthy behaviors)?
Second, using the questions above or your own questions, identify one or two areas in which you would really like to improve. Remember that choosing too many goals will result in feeling overwhelmed, and you’ll be more likely to give up. Your relationship with your child is too important to get sidelined because of initial failures. Choosing just one goal and succeeding at it will give you the extra confidence you need to tackle another goal, perhaps midway through the year.
Third, develop a plan to make those improvements. Think about working on this in small steps on a daily basis, rather than large, nearly impossible tasks. So, if you want to spend more quality time with your child, figure out how you can add 10 minutes per day doing this. It might be simply turning off the radio in the car so you can talk on the way to school or sitting on the edge of the bed just before the lights are out. Choose something that you can really achieve, not something that will be difficult to implement.
Fourth, set a date when you will evaluate how you are doing. Remember that new habits take at least 30 days to set in. Be sure to establish some definable results so that you can more objectively evaluate how you are doing. Some results might be: Did we laugh more this month? Did I learn something new about my child? Does my child seem to open up more? What fun things did we do together this month?
Fifth, get your co-parent involved if possible. Sometimes one parent can more easily do something than the other. If you are better at playtime and your co-parent is better at listening and sharing, then develop your parenting resolutions together and share in those tasks. Your co-parent may also see things about your relationship with your child that you do not see. Be open to listening to that feedback so that you can improve and of course, be willing to gently suggest ways for your co-parent to improve as well.
Best of Luck,
Dr. Michael H. Popkin
Author
