Divorced Moms... a question...

[emsplace]

How did you get through it?
Eventhough I know this is the right thing to do, I have good and bad days.
I am of so many unknowns... and I'm just wondering how you did it?

I am in a unique situation in that I am stayhing here till I can afford to leave. So I have to put up with some not so great comments... but I am hopeful that I can learn to concentrate more on myself and my son and not so much on caring about what he thinks and why he says what he says or doesn't say.

He knows what he did and he knows I am leaving. He won't go to counseling or even try to fix things. I know, I shouldn't want to as he was unfaithful for more than 75% of our marraige that I know of. But I hate the thought of divorce.

UGH.... I'm pathetic.

em

[CreativeJunkie]

You are not pathetic. You are absolutely normal. You are human.

I remember how awful it felt in the beginning stages of separation/divorce. I remember opening my eyes in the morning and feeling like a 100 pound weight was on my chest and wondering how in the world I was going to get out of bed, let alone make it through the day.

I had no family around and I had a three year old daughter.

Even though my husband wanted the divorce, he refused to move out and I was told by my attorney not to leave the house so we lived in that house for a year after he dropped the bombshell. It was a nightmare.

The only thing that got me through it was to concentrate on my daughter. She was the ONLY reason I got myself up and out of bed every single morning.

I joined a support group called Parachute for recently separated/divorced people and it was a God send, if only to know that there were others out there feeling exactly as I did. It is amazing the strength of that kind of support gives you. I also did individual counseling and that helped me out tremendously ... helped me to realize that I was going to be OK, that I was smart enough and brave enough to look at my divorce as an opportunity.

Yes, it will be hard. There will be a lot of changes. But you CAN do it. You have to dig down deep and find that strength and know that for every bad day, there will be a good day and eventually, the good days will far outnumber the bad days. The hurt and confusion and betrayal will lessen.

Concentrate on your son AND yourself - don't forget that YOUR mental health is just as important.

I highly suggest getting some counseling, whether it be group or individual.

(((hugs)))

[emsplace]

Thank you so much for your insight.
It's a daunting undertaking, no matter how "right" you know it is.
I have had some counseling through the years. I will be getting more...
THANKS AGAIN!
em

[Audrey]

Counseling and support groups are awesome. I can't say anything that has not already been said. Concentrate on your and on your child. Do things for you and for your child

[emsplace]

Thanks Audrey.
It is a unique situation for sure.
I wish I had the nerve to video it for a documentary. lol How to separate and divorce civilly.... but frankly I am sure that would be more stress. hahaha
It's been crazy here. I just can't wait for my furniture to come in so I can completely leave the master bedroom.
Blah... em

[Audrey]

Do you see yourself seperating completely, meaning two homes?

[emsplace]

Oh Yes. After I have been working a couple years and have some $$ saved and work stability. Oh yes.... definitely! In lieu of Alimony he is paying the bills until I've worked for a few months. Then, I will contribute by paying my few bills and he will pay all else until I leave. We've got it all in writing. This will enable me to save upwards of $50K if I do it right.

So... YES!  If I had the $$ I'd already be gone. I'm sorry to say! Or at least I'd be gone within a 6 month to a year period.

[Audrey]

We are all here to support you

[emsplace]

thank you so much.